A few weeks on, after the funeral and I still can not believe it. I still believe I will be able to talk to her, ask her advice and see her. I just can not accept it.  I do dream of her every night, which means I am actually seeing her more then i did when she was alive.

Everyone is confronted with death sometime in their lives, if it is not their family, then their friends family, or friends. However, it does not get easier it is still hard. Therefore, I would love to believe that there is something after life and I will meet everyone I have lost. This I say because my grandma promised she would show us that there was life after death. For her funeral we burned two songs onto a CD. We played them at home and then in the church to see if the songs would play. They played perfectly. The first song, when we finally played it, was fine but the second song, ‘Candle in the wind’, which was played at the end did not. The whole way through, the song jumped and at the part where Elton sings ‘Heaven’ it was repeated three times. You may think, hmm well this happens but when we got home it played perfect again and somehow I knew it was my grandma. So there we have it, there may be life after death? I just hope we do not find out too soon.

Why do I feel like this?
Always running,
Never escaping,
But never dying

Why does my heart race,
Why does it not rest?
Why won’t it slow down and do what it can do best?

I just want to live,
I just want to be normal,
I just want to be happy,
And go along in bliss.

Another time, when I was in year seven I was in a PE lesson. It was hockey and we were listeing to the teacher rambel on about how to play. For some reason I wanted to stand but also sit and the hockey stick flew into my lip which poured with blood. My white T-shirt was stained red. Again, we only went to the next door neighbours who was a nurse. She put some butterfly stiches on it and since then I have again had a scar which most people think was caused by a fight.

Lastly, when I was in year 10 my stomach started to have so much pain. I was in hospital for 2 weeks in October, and 2 weeks in December. They took my appendix out and therefore I now have three small scars due to the key-hole surgery. I recommend it as you can hardly see them.

Me and my mother were driving up to Uni. She was just telling me about how I should tell her the name and number of a driving instructor so that she could ring them up. I had a few to choose from, as all my friends recommended one but I decided to go with one of them, Trevor. I was just telling her the name and number and writing it down when she asked surprised what the name was again. As I told her she said ‘like the name of the car in front of us?’. He was driving in front of us… To make matters more strange, my mother was thinking how it would have been good if I chose the instructor in front of us as they were using a Toyota Yaris just like my mums car. I was practising in her car for the last few months. We then realised, it was the same year car as well.

Life is strange sometimes…

Yesterday, unseen by me, a tablet I was taking, crumbled and fell onto the kitchen floor. I did not take much notice as I did not really see it fall.

The next day, my cat was her happy self as I let her into the kitchen. She was sniffing along the floor and must have eaten something she found on the floor but did not like because she suddenly jumped into the air. Next thing I know, all this froth and spit and saliva is pouring out of her, like if you saw Dr who in November 2009, those aliens had water pouring out of their mouths. I was all alone and had no idea what to do. It just kept on pouring out of her mouth. I quickly grabbed her water bowl and gave it to her but she jumped into the air and ran into the next room. She must have been terrified. Every time all this water came out her mouth, she would jump. I ran to ring my dad but he didn’t know what to do and when I came back I found her on top of the boiler. She meowed unhappily as she saw me and slowly started closing her eyes. I could not let my cat go now. I have had her since I was six. She is like a little sister I never had because when I was younger I did used to put her in my dolls pram and push her around. It was then that I started crying, not realising how much she meant to me. I kept talking to her, encouraging her to keep awake. Fortunately, she did, and ten minuets later she jumped down and is now resting but seems fine.

It was a scary experience and showed me just how much she means to me and not to drop any tablets onto the floor!

The first week the teacher danced with me, and being the female you are just lead. I found myself being whisked around the whole room, being lead into all sorts that I had no idea I could do. Now with my partner, we are actually being taught things. This week I was taught how to finish by sliding across the floor in a very tango move. The ladies also had to do a move where you slide your leg up and down the males leg. This was originally thought up so that women could tell if the men had money in their pockets. I don’t have to say that the males do like this move.

I have done ballroom and Latin American dancing before but it was without a partner and to be honest pathetic and boring. You definitely need to dance with someone and you will feel as glamorous as the dancers on strictly :D

On another note, I seem to have really got to know my customers. This old couple come in every day and order soup and tea. Unfortunately, I have  not seen them for a while so  it came as a surprise to see the women back again  but without her husband and looking quite ill, supported by two younger females. I felt saddened. I love to see babies getting older too because regulars do come and even after working there for just over a year, I have seen so much change in children. It’s great working actually, I couldn’t do it full-time but part-time is fine

It started this summer where I got a real bad one. I was given antibiotics and all but I originally thought these infections just hert like hell but that was it. I was wrong. I threw up 8 times in a row that I actually chocked and could not breath. It was so horrible. I had the shakes, high temperature and was in bed for a week. Not eating much and just mainly sleeping. My last few infections were a lot better as I went to get antibiotics straight away which is the best thing you can do! I also started drinking Cranberry juice. Things looked up as for the whole of October I did not get any infections until today which is second to last day of October.

It started at 2 in the morning. I had major pain and was just pacing up and down my room trying desperately to get rid of the pain. What scared me the most happened about 5 in morning, where my urine was red! This might sound alarming but is normal for a urine infection but shows its quite a bad one. We went to A&E at around 6 anyway as I could not cope with the pain any more. I am now on strong antibiotics and tablets to stop me being and feeling sick.

So my advice, be warned as urine/Kidney infections can be a lot worse than you may think. If you have them frequent like I have had, then get a ultra scan done as that is what the doctor at the hospital advised me to do.