Natalie's Blog

I will never forgot the morning where I skipped down the stairs all happy, oblivious to what was to come. As I happily walked into the kitchen my dad and sister looked at me. ‘Haven’t you heard?’ my dad questioned. ‘what?’, ‘Your grandma passed away in the night’. ‘No, that’s not true’ I spluttered. I do not know why I was denying it. My grandma had been dying of cancer for 3 years now but I had only seen her 2 weeks back. That may seem a long time but she lives in Austria due to my mum being Austrian. I finally accepted it and tears splashed down my face as my sister came and hugged me.

A few weeks on, after the funeral and I still can not believe it. I still believe I will be able to talk to her, ask her advice and see her. I just can not accept it.  I do dream of her every night, which means I am actually seeing her more then i did when she was alive.

Everyone is confronted with death sometime in their lives, if it is not their family, then their friends family, or friends. However, it does not get easier it is still hard. Therefore, I would love to believe that there is something after life and I will meet everyone I have lost. This I say because my grandma promised she would show us that there was life after death. For her funeral we burned two songs onto a CD. We played them at home and then in the church to see if the songs would play. They played perfectly. The first song, when we finally played it, was fine but the second song, ‘Candle in the wind’, which was played at the end did not. The whole way through, the song jumped and at the part where Elton sings ‘Heaven’ it was repeated three times. You may think, hmm well this happens but when we got home it played perfect again and somehow I knew it was my grandma. So there we have it, there may be life after death? I just hope we do not find out too soon.

Why is my brain fighting me?
Why is it hurting me?
Why won’t it let me live life how I want to be?

Why do I feel like this?
Always running,
Never escaping,
But never dying

Why does my heart race,
Why does it not rest?
Why won’t it slow down and do what it can do best?

I just want to live,
I just want to be normal,
I just want to be happy,
And go along in bliss.

Seven year old me, whizzed down on a brand new bike. The house that I lived at, is in a close, so it has a quite big hill. As I whizzed down, something made me shoot off my bike. I flew into the air and pain shot through me. As I saw the blood come from my knee I grew worried. That was the least of the worries from my mother. In my hand, was a small stone. My mum ripped it out with tweezers and since then I have had a scar. I swear if I went to the hopsital maybe it would have not caused such a scar.

Another time, when I was in year seven I was in a PE lesson. It was hockey and we were listeing to the teacher rambel on about how to play. For some reason I wanted to stand but also sit and the hockey stick flew into my lip which poured with blood. My white T-shirt was stained red. Again, we only went to the next door neighbours who was a nurse. She put some butterfly stiches on it and since then I have again had a scar which most people think was caused by a fight.

Lastly, when I was in year 10 my stomach started to have so much pain. I was in hospital for 2 weeks in October, and 2 weeks in December. They took my appendix out and therefore I now have three small scars due to the key-hole surgery. I recommend it as you can hardly see them.

Isn’t life weird sometimes?

Me and my mother were driving up to Uni. She was just telling me about how I should tell her the name and number of a driving instructor so that she could ring them up. I had a few to choose from, as all my friends recommended one but I decided to go with one of them, Trevor. I was just telling her the name and number and writing it down when she asked surprised what the name was again. As I told her she said ‘like the name of the car in front of us?’. He was driving in front of us… To make matters more strange, my mother was thinking how it would have been good if I chose the instructor in front of us as they were using a Toyota Yaris just like my mums car. I was practising in her car for the last few months. We then realised, it was the same year car as well.

Life is strange sometimes…

Yesterday, unseen by me, a tablet I was taking, crumbled and fell onto the kitchen floor. I did not take much notice as I did not really see it fall.

The next day, my cat was her happy self as I let her into the kitchen. She was sniffing along the floor and must have eaten something she found on the floor but did not like because she suddenly jumped into the air. Next thing I know, all this froth and spit and saliva is pouring out of her, like if you saw Dr who in November 2009, those aliens had water pouring out of their mouths. … continue reading this entry.

I have gone three weeks now and loving every minute of it. As I grab my dance partner we are off. It is so much easier than I thought. Tango, you got to love it. … continue reading this entry.

I work every Saturday and Sunday at a supermarket. I start on a Sunday at 11. As I came in today (Sunday), feeling a bit ill but fine I greeted my boss who looked happy to see me. As I was just washing my hands, as I work at the café something was being said into the loudspeaker. … continue reading this entry.

Firstly, stop getting panic attacks. This I am working on. Secondly, be curvy. I am also working on this, eat more, eat non stop and maybe drugs… Thirdly, my nose. … continue reading this entry.

I have become a serious expert in urine/kidney infections now.

It started this summer where I got a real bad one. I was given antibiotics and all but I originally thought these infections just hert like hell but that was it. I was wrong. … continue reading this entry.

Today I had this really great idea. How about if I walk from Southampton to Scotland over the summer holidays as I get three months of uni holiday and raise money for a charity. I even googled and found it would take 5 days but I’m guessing that it not taking into account of sleeping, eating of rest breaks. … continue reading this entry.